I get daily messages from an app called Timehop letting me know what I did 1, 2 and 3+ years ago today. This week, the 2 years ago mark went blank. And it’s going to be blank for a while.
Two years ago was when the depression got really bad. I didn’t think it was professional to show it, so I hid it. I was trying to manage an office at the time, and I didn’t think it would make sense to let anyone know. I forced myself to go to work. To smile at everyone, even though I was crumbling inside. I lost a year of my memories due to it. Every day blended into the next. Insomnia and sluggishness. I didn’t know it was depression. I hated myself for what I considered laziness.
I’m doing much better now. But I spent the majority of the last two years working tirelessly on it. My partner had no patience for my ‘negative attitude’ and didn’t understand how hard I was trying. Others laughed at me when I tried to explain it.
But then I found some wonderful people who believed me. Who didn’t think I was laying in bed on purpose, unable to move. They supported me and helped me to get okay. To relax. To be less anxious. To do research on options. And I listened to them, and eventually crawled up out of the Marinas Trench. I owe them everything.
Every morning I wake up and am happy I’m able to get out of bed. I found help in some really unexpected places and grew in the process.
This Instagram stream doesn’t show the reality of my life. It shows the interesting views and moments in between these periods of being ‘on pause’. There is a lot more that I’m hesitant to share, and I probably won’t. But if you’re ever thinking my life is full of perfect adventure, it’s not. It’s a struggle every day. Sometimes I get to see amazing things and I want to share them with others, and I appreciate that very much. I also travel alone. A lot of times my life feels like the film Lost in Translation. But being able to share some images from far away helps make that feeling go away.
Thanks for everything. This year has been rough for a lot of people. I suspect 2016 is going to be much different. Here’s to that!
Two years ago was when the depression got really bad. I didn’t think it was professional to show it, so I hid it. I was trying to manage an office at the time, and I didn’t think it would make sense to let anyone know. I forced myself to go to work. To smile at everyone, even though I was crumbling inside. I lost a year of my memories due to it. Every day blended into the next. Insomnia and sluggishness. I didn’t know it was depression. I hated myself for what I considered laziness.
I’m doing much better now. But I spent the majority of the last two years working tirelessly on it. My partner had no patience for my ‘negative attitude’ and didn’t understand how hard I was trying. Others laughed at me when I tried to explain it.
But then I found some wonderful people who believed me. Who didn’t think I was laying in bed on purpose, unable to move. They supported me and helped me to get okay. To relax. To be less anxious. To do research on options. And I listened to them, and eventually crawled up out of the Marinas Trench. I owe them everything.
Every morning I wake up and am happy I’m able to get out of bed. I found help in some really unexpected places and grew in the process.
This Instagram stream doesn’t show the reality of my life. It shows the interesting views and moments in between these periods of being ‘on pause’. There is a lot more that I’m hesitant to share, and I probably won’t. But if you’re ever thinking my life is full of perfect adventure, it’s not. It’s a struggle every day. Sometimes I get to see amazing things and I want to share them with others, and I appreciate that very much. I also travel alone. A lot of times my life feels like the film Lost in Translation. But being able to share some images from far away helps make that feeling go away.
Thanks for everything. This year has been rough for a lot of people. I suspect 2016 is going to be much different. Here’s to that!
